When I decided to post a poll on my instagram prompting my followers to decide what this weeks blog post would be about, it should have been obvious to me that the majority would vote for the topic of love. I mean, what’s more important than love? The choice for this weeks blog was between my personal experience on love & dating abroad and the fact that Venice, one of the most famous cities in the world, recently suffered one of it’s worst floods in history and I happened to go visit it during the midst of this happening, but you guys are more interested in love and I’m guessing it’s because you’re locked up at home alone with nobody but your conscious. Maybe you feel bad about climate change and it’s impending doom. Maybe you don’t wanna hear it, but I guess with Covid 19 we have enough to stress over when it comes to this world, so I’ll give you this week to think about love, and next week we can acknowledge the fact that I trudged through a flooded Venice wearing plastic over my shoes. So, I guess this is the part where I spill the tea, but I’d just like to say one thing first. When I saw the results and realized that this subject won, I realized I’d dug myself a hole. I want to tell you everything, but I can’t do that without getting super personal. I don’t mean personal in regards to just myself, but I mean others as well and people need privacy. So, out of respect for those who have inspired this post, I will be straying away from getting super specific and extremely detailed. But, don’t worry, even though this won’t be an exact play by play of my love life over the 7 months I traveled, you will still be getting a lot more out of me than I thought on this subject. So much so that it’s hard to even figure out where to begin…Where shall we begin? Oh! I know!
Ok. Here we go.
When you move abroad and know absolutely nobody, it is extremely liberating. You realize that you can literally be anyone you want to be and leave the past behind. In my life I’ve never had a past I didn’t feel comfortable sharing, but I always did like the idea of a fresh start. So, the thought of being whoever I wanted to be outside of the USA was a truly freeing one. However, once I arrived in Italy I realized I had nobody. You would think it’s a crippling sort of loneliness to be in a foreign place as a foreigner with nobody around you to share anything with, but it was actually quite the thrill. I was really focused on getting to know myself and learning more about Italy, it’s people and it’s culture. I soon realized I had so many people to share things with. They were all around me. All it takes is a hello or a few kind words and before you know it you’re having a conversation with a stranger or making a new friend. All it takes is a few seconds of insane courage.
So, I know I said I wasn’t going to get super specific, but I think this story is too funny not to share. It’s also really awkward, but that’s part of life and also a big part of dating at times. So, get ready to cringe…
On my first full day in Italy I had gone out to explore. I walked around, did some grocery shopping, hiked up to Piazzale Michelangelo, got some gelato, all that good stuff. It truly was a magical day and I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. I was blown away by what I was doing. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. In fact, I was sort of in a state of shock over it all. Everything I was seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, smelling and feeling was fresh…including the loneliness. After a long day in a new place, I began to make my way back to my apartment. When I was about 5 minutes away, I decided to stop and have succho di pera(pear juice), one of my favorite drinks and the perfect beverage to sip on while journaling. The cafe I stopped at had outdoor seating directly in front of Palazzo Pitti. It’s the perfect place to people watch, decompress and share your thoughts through pad and paper. So, I sat down and began writing. Then, my waiter came over and my heart stopped for a second. Let me be very clear about something. For those of you who are unaware,(and I am not the only one to have ever stated this) the men in Italy are beautiful. It’s just my humble opinion. If I have any sort of type when it comes to dating, then my type resides in Italy. So, this beautiful waiter comes over and begins to chat with me. I ordered my drink and he started asking me questions. Where I was from, what I was writing about, amongst other things. He was the first person in the country to make me feel truly welcomed. It was really fun to talk to someone who was around my age but from a completely different part of the world. Now, in America it is completely normal, acceptable, nobody bats an eye, when a woman makes the first move. In fact, I’ve noticed in America it’s quite common these days for the women to be forward when it comes to dating. I mean, why shouldn’t we? If we like somebody or want to get to know somebody then we should very well be able to be clear about it. Just be honest about how you feel. If a guy is allowed to do it then so are we. When I was in college I met a friend who kind of helped me to realize that you don’t have to wait for a guy to come to you. You can show interest first. There’s nothing wrong with it. So, I decided I was going to give the waiter my number because if anything I could just try and make a new friend in a place where I didn’t have any. Well, you’ll never guess what happened. The waiter comes out and gives me a piece of paper. There was a number on it, but don’t jump to any conclusions just yet. It wasn’t his number. It was the chef’s number. Awkward. I accepted it to be kind although I never used it. Still, I decided I was going to give the waiter my number because I had nothing to lose. Before I left, I wrote it out on a sheet of paper and handed it to him. He looked shocked. I don’t think it’s as common for women to be forward this way in other parts of the world when it comes to dating. To my understanding(and in my experience), in Italy the men are not shy and will usually make the first move. It seems to be a cultural thing. It also turns out that the waiter had a girlfriend so…no luck there, but he told me not to be shy about just going up to people and trying to make friends. We exchanged instagrams and that’s all that ever came of that. Looking back, I’m glad though because…well…Everything happens for a reason.
Being from America as a woman I am not used to getting attention the way that I received it abroad. In the US, every now and then you’ll come across a guy who will shout out something at you or whistle. It’s different in other places. I noticed in Europe, it’s not uncommon for men to cat call or stop you while you’re walking to try and chat you up. In Italy, you’ll hear the common “Ciao Bella” and in the UK a “you’re beautiful” isn’t shocking. There’s a lot more staring and extreme eye contact is never a surprise. I found this sort of forwardness to be a breath of fresh air. In the US I feel like people are afraid or nervous to be honest about their feelings. It feels like we’re constantly walking on egg shells. Even sending the first text message has become a big project capable of causing shortness of breath and severe anxiety. It’s absolutely ridiculous. Now, I won’t lie, walking down the street and not getting cat called in America is a lovely feeling. It’s nice to not feel objectified. I will say it’s also nice to have someone express outright interest in you. “Ciao Bella” or “You’re beautiful” from a stranger can actually make your day. It’s something so simple but it just goes to show how even the smallest of actions have impacts on the way we make others feel. Of course, these remarks must come with respect, otherwise they’re unacceptable. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
During my time abroad I only went on a few dates. I’ve never been the type to entertain talking to multiple people at once and I’ve always strived to find a deeper connection not based on hooking up. That’s never been my style. When I’ve looked for love before it’s because I craved emotional connection and wanted someone to share thoughts and ideas with. Someone to talk to and someone to love. So, I’d like to think I’m careful about who I get to know and who I give energy to. That’s why it doesn’t surprise me that the guys I went on dates with while traveling were some of the coolest people I’ve ever met. In fact, I still remain friends with a few. It’s incredible to learn about the way people are brought up in other countries. The way they live in comparison to the way you live. The way people think and love life. You can learn so much and you can teach others about your culture as well. Food, sense of humor, music, poetry, literature, sports, wildlife, thought process, language, emotion, adventure and so much more. Everything is different. It’s an eye opening experience if you go into wisely.
In Italy I found the men to be very romantic. They’re passionate and loving. They’re complete gentlemen. (At least the ones I dated were because we all know “those guys” are everywhere.) They also treat women with a lot of respect. Not just the women they’re dating, but all of the women in their lives. Their sisters, mothers, neighbors, strangers. Women are put onto pedestals. It’s really beautiful to get to know somebody who is tentative to your emotions and respectful of your morals and the way you think. It takes away any pressure and alleviates nerves, making it easier to bond with someone and to truly show them who you are. Italy is also extremely romantic in general. I imagine there are few other places on Earth that can compare in terms of romance. Grabbing drinks and aperetivo, driving around Florence on a scooter, listening to music together, having tea and coffee at a cafe, walking through the city and exchanging thoughts and emotions. There’s nothing like it. Though I will say, never bring up pineapple pizza while on a date with an Italian.
While I did spend most of my time in Italy, I did travel around Europe and a few other countries outside of the continent as well. I got the chance to meet friends all over the world. It’s so easy to meet people abroad. All you have to do is go out and you’re bound to meet somebody. It feels like there are no limitations. People are friendly and open! In a bar in Germany, you never know who you’ll meet. A club in the United Kingdom. A beach in Australia. A hostel in New Zealand. A jungle in Bali. Eye contact, a few drinks, a smile, a wave and before you know it you’re dancing or getting to know someone new. I mean, you could be sitting down and someone will just come up to you and bam! You’ve got a new friend. It’s the best feeling ever. It helped me to realize that there are so many incredible people that I need to meet. It’s a shame I can’t meet all of them, but I will do my best.
So, I think I’ve tackled some of the best parts of dating abroad, but like everything else in life, it comes with it’s downfalls as well. The first one is the language barrier. You could meet the most incredible human being and you wouldn’t even really know it because without being able to properly communicate you can’t truly get to know somebody. Even using google translate during desperate times will not translate exactly what someone is trying to tell you or what you’re trying to tell someone correctly because the truth is: There are different ways to say things all over the world. For example, in Italian if someone says “E una cosa bella.” that directly translates in English to “It’s a thing beautiful.” Now, in Italian, they’re saying “It’s a beautiful thing.” You can probably figure that out, but it goes to show that translation is not always exact. I met this guy at the pizzeria he worked at and we began talking, went on a few dates. While I really enjoyed being around him, we couldn’t connect on the deep level I wanted to because his English was extremely limited and my Italian was just beginning to develop to the point where I could hold light conversation. We would have to speak both languages while using google translate when we could not understand each other or say something the way we truly wanted to. It was a bummer. It sucked. I’m not gonna lie. So much potential for connection but because we couldn’t truly communicate, we couldn’t connect the way we wished we could’ve. It’s easier with someone from the UK because you both speak English, but even so there are certain words, ways of communicating and ways of using language that are completely different. For example, “I’m absolutely knackered.” is one way of saying “I’m absolutely tired.” in the UK. The first time I heard that I had no clue what it meant. It’s fascinatingly beautiful, but it can definitely make getting to know someone more challenging. However, if you truly love someone, you won’t ever let something like this stand in your path. You’ll find a way. Anything is possible.
The final downfall of dating abroad that I’ll touch on today is the worst in my opinion. It’s when you have to leave the country or the person you’re getting to know has to leave. It’s something that as a traveler eventually becomes unavoidable unless you’re planning to settle down. You’ll become close to someone or be getting to know someone and then one of you has to leave. You have to go your separate ways and eventually you’re thousands of miles apart. It’s extremely unfortunate. It leaves the ache of regret or words left unsaid almost unbearable at times. If you’re really starting to care it’ll tug at your heart strings and that is so annoying when you can’t do much about it. It still happens to me every now and then and it’s been months since I’ve been home. In the end, you’ve just gotta trust the process and the journey that life takes you on because everything that happens to you is meant to and everything that doesn’t, isn’t.
So, to wrap this up, never be afraid to put yourself out there, to be vulnerable and to try and get to know someone, even though things won’t always turn out the way you expect them too. You’ll learn a lot about others, the world, and yourself by doing so. There are so many incredible humans just waiting for you to meet them, so be unapologetically you and make someone’s life better. My experience dating abroad taught me a lot about trusting whoever’s calling the shots up there on my life. Whoever’s pulling the strings. I’ve gotta say, they can keep doing what they’re doing. Whether it was their intention or not, they’ve injected my veins with wanderlust. So, you can catch me on the first plane out of the country when it’s time to move on from this phase of my life. I’ve got more amazing people to meet!
Oh! One last thing! What are your thoughts on pineapple pizza?
Comment below 😉
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